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Tears show feelings; Words show hurt

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Ignorance is bliss? like hell. [25 Nov 2008|04:59pm]

[ mood | bitchy ]

Whoever said ignorance is bliss is clearly mistaken. I'm in highschool and i honestly cannot stand it. My maturity level is so much higher than any one of my classmates. It's not even something i can explain. I sit in my classes and just cringe at the level of immaturity, especially considering I'm a very good student and people don't understand what they have to do in order to pass a class; and then i get lame ass questions about what to do when a- the teacher has JUST thoroughly explained it,  b- the directions are RIGHT in front of you, or c- it's common sense! I laugh really hard at the kids who are failing and just realizing that they have to pass, so they have a meeting with the parents and the teachers, figure out what they have to do and such, and then try to apply it. But those same damn kids are the ones who aren't copying down ANYTHING, not making little side notes and not trying their best to understand. And then they have the nerve to come to me to ask for help and to borrow MY notes once they've figured out 'hey, i might need this'. Let me give you a little hint: hard work pays off, trying to bullshit your way through the course will NOT help you out during exams and sure as hell not in the future. I don't understand how these peoples' minds work, as in the people who say 'yeah, she failed me!'. Umm, reality check, you failed yourself. You're the one who didnt hand in the work, you're the one who is sleeping in class, and you're the one who isn't paying any attention to anything that is going on around you. And another thing to keep in mind, not trying your hardest and not passing any classes will only cause you to stay in school longer. LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE.

Another one that really gets me is people who just don't care. That's a pretty broad statement, but it's people who don't care about the important things. I'll focus in on global warming/climate change. Your kids' kids' arent going to have much of a planet. They might even ask what Hawaii or Prince Edward Island was like, considering it will probably be under the water. I laugh at the people who think that it is all a 'political conspiracy'. Are you effing kidding me?! Look at the facts! Higher temperatures, or very warm temperatures in the middle of november; the 'weird weather' is a sign that our world is going in a downward spiral, and quite rapidly at that. I constantly struggle for control when i hear people say that they don't really care about climate change, or global warming, because 'they wont be here'. How heartless are you, seriously? Not only is it heartless, it's pretty damn selfish of you. So you get to enjoy this earth and all the benifits of living, but as for the generations after you, you could care less? Thats pretty stupid of you, and i just look at those people like they are scum, because thats what they are. Its either the uneducated people, or the people who think they know it all and are too stubborn to face the facts.

Ignorance is only bliss for those people who are in fact ignorant.

3 Stale Tears| A shoulder

many emotions...venting [02 Oct 2008|06:40pm]

I met this guy 3 years ago but we began dating around the 4th of July. We started out be really really good friends. I believe we sometimes see someone and want there to be a connection so badly that we sort of make it happen but tell ourselves it was natural. This guy (we'll call him Tom)is a bit older than me and wasn't my ideal kind of guy at first but he became my total buddy. Our relationship was based on trust and respect and on a smaller level still is. Though at the begining I did notice that he only had one friend (besides me)that consisted of 95% of his social life and it had probably been that way for a while. In the back of my mind I kept wondering if the way he at times seemed to be...I guess obsessed it to strong of a word but I would wonder if I was mostly a ticket out of his loneliness but how could I find that out for sure? Anyways about 2 months later he became more comfortable in letting his temper tantrums/way to gain control show. When he would do something I disagreed with and I would say it would try to always get really mad at any tiny thing I disagreed with and try to intimidate me into biting my tongue when I felt he wasn't treating me right or I disagreed. He does this every time we are together. Sometimes he'll drag it out but it seems when he has something to gain than he cuts it short.Though he shows that he has a lot of love for me. I know your probably thinking yeah you just want to believe that but I could tell that he wasn't faking how strongly he felt towards me by the people closest to him. If he really cherishes me why the tantrums that pulls us apart? How can someone do both to someone? Is it b/c he knows I'll keep coming back? Which I think is a strong possibility but if that is the case I still don't get it. I was curious what other people thought about the situation.
1 Stale Tear| A shoulder

I'll be there for you [25 Feb 2008|05:30pm]

I recently started talking to my ex and we even hung out with two of his friends this past weekend. Now, this is a guy who I dated for almost two and a half years; it's been a little over a year since I've seen or talked to him. It was weird seeing him when we hung out; I mostly talked to his friends when I didn't have a bottle of beer to my mouth. His one friend pointed out that my ex had cuts all on his wrists. I don't know what to say, but what I have been..I'm there for you. He says that he lies to his family and friends saying that he's okay and he's stopped which he hasn't. He isn't getting any help. I am not a very strong person myself. I'm usually the person who people are being strong for. I don't want to feel responsible if he goes too far, so I'm not sure whether I should let someone in his family know or not. His reasoning for cutting is that he doesn't want to live anymore, he says that he just has too much going on right now. How can I help when his own family isn't interested in seeing the fucking truth?! I'm trying to be his friend, but with the history me and him have had and now this mess he is..I'm not strong enough to be there since he sounds like he isn't even making an effort. I can only be there for him so much then it's up to him.
A shoulder

Too Young For All This Crap. [25 Feb 2008|02:53am]

[ mood | blah ]

 You know what's so funny?
How people tell you that crying makes everything better because you let your feelings out.
But I still feel like crap after!
Maybe even worse.
I can't help but wish I lead a different life; with real people and less violence,
Less danger.
Sometimes I just feel like screaming at the top of my lungs how much of a bitch life is.
So many things to say, so many things to complain about...
I just honestly wished that my life wasn't so crappy.
I'm too young for all the problems that I have to face everyday, I'm too young to already have a negative perspective on life, and I'm too young to have seen the horrors I have. Anyone can relate?

A shoulder

[23 May 2007|11:03pm]

I feel as if everything in my life is spiralling madly out of control. I don't know why. I just can't seem to keep a grip on anything - my friends, my exams, let alone myself. Everything's just stopped working.

You know when you think you can count on someone? Someone who you just assume will be there because they always have been? And then there comes that one time when they let you down and you feel so incredibly lost. And you realise just how much you've taken them for granted all your life. And you feel rubbish because all you can think about is how this is the one time, the one time you actually really wanted, needed, them there and they're not. And you forget all the other times because, by comparison, this time seems so much more important. Even though it's probably not. In fact, it's definitely not, but you just wanted them to pull through for you this time so badly.

It's like that, only there's more than one. To be perfectly honest, there's a whole bunch of them. Which just makes you so depressed because when everyone lets you down, that's the time you feel most alone. You feel as if you have no one. No one. And you think and you think that there must be someone you can call. Someone else you can ask for help, but there's not. You spend hours scrolling through your contact list in a vain attempt to find someone but there isn't anybody. And that, more than anything else is what makes you want to curl up into a ball and cry and never ever stop.

And you wonder why you're so surprised. It's not their fault, they're only people after all. People, like you, so full of fault it's sickening. People who lie, cheat, betray, hurt; just like you. And you can't blame them for it because you're exactly the same. At least that's what you tell yourself - in reality, you're so much worse. But admitting that would be admitting that you're to blame. And although you know that deep down, you're far too proud to ever say it aloud. And so you blame them. All the guilt, shame and blame you transfer onto them, because if they're their flaws, then they can't be yours. Even though it's human nature and everyone's the same.
2 Stale Tears| A shoulder

[18 Mar 2007|12:34pm]

[ mood | confused ]

is it normal to not always tell the one you love when you cut,or feel like cutting?
idk.sometimes i do this.and other times i tell him.
but lately i havent been doing it because i get this sense of guilt if i dont say anything.
i love him so i dont want to hurt him by 'oh i hurt myself'
so i restrain.which is better for us i guess..
idk. i feel like its almost a need.
but im going to try to stop needing it.

A shoulder

memories hurt... [04 Feb 2007|11:56am]

[ mood | crappy ]

this community seems kinda deadd.buut,i will post anywho.

i've come to the conclusion...that i can never be that "one" girl. I know your not supposed to just go and be that "one" girl that can "change" someone...and i know that your not supposed to be just that one person, who can totally and completly change someones life around.

but then why do we feel like we want that so bad?

cant tell the difference between...whats real and what isnt.
i could be everything....i could be nothing
but i'll never know.
to tell you the truth, im not sure i want to know.

i miss someone. and after today, i just realize that i can put them away....pretend like they arent really a part of my future.
but then they just show up again. unannounced and unexplained.
and even if its the littlest thing that they do, or if they bring up the tinyest part of the past...
it is enough to shatter what my dream of the future might be.
It all makes sense....i mean, i think it does...
that is...IF they were doing this with a purpose.
but, i doubt they even notice themselves. which is why it just doesnt make sense?
i am confued.
is it gunna be like before where i cant stop thinking or dreaming about them?
or is it just gunna be something i can get over....until the next time they randomly pop up again.
i wish it didnt have to be like that.
i know there is a real reason why things are this way
i know there is a reason why i get like this.
sometimes i think its all so pointless
but then...how can it be pointless?!
there IS a reason for this....right?
theres a reason i get so tounge tied, and jiddery
there has to be a reason.
and you know the worst part?
its trying to explain the feelings to someone...who will never understand you.
its like speaking but no words are coming out
is it pointless?

2 Stale Tears| A shoulder

hi,im new=] [22 Jan 2007|05:43pm]

[ mood | depressed ]

hi, well my name is Beauty and I'm new here. I joined this site,hoping for advice,and maybe to find some friends that understand somewhat what i go through.cause the friends i currently have,all have the so called perfect lives,and they dont like to here about promblems. Well, I'm 17 and a junior in highschool. I've been a cutter since about 6th grade.And I try to cut down on it,cause my mom has no knowledgement of it. Lately,things in my life have been eh okay..

Read moreCollapse )

3 Stale Tears| A shoulder

PROMOTION [04 Jul 2006|06:45am]

Image hosting by Photobucket
Dedicated moderators.
Growing members.
Lots of fun.
Please consider :)
A shoulder

NEW MUSIC *GO LISTEN!!!* [28 Jun 2006|08:33pm]


we just put up 4 new songs take a listen tell us what you think
Until Eternity
A shoulder

[26 Jun 2006|09:43pm]

[ mood | crushed ]

Hey everyone- i just joined this community- I've had a horrible month and I wanted to get someone's advice.

I started to date this guy in September. We've been officially boyfriend and girlfriend since November 11th. We both lost out virginity to each other and now I'm 16 weeks pregnant. Luckily we both want this kid, and want to raise it and everything. But I have a different problem. He has bi-polar (which is a mood disorder... a chemical imbalance in the brain), my father had it and he commited suicide when I was 5. But everything seemed fine with him when we first started dating, but I realized several months into the relationship that he had a really bad temper. It all goes with the bi-polar- he yells, breaks his phone, curses at me and says hurtfult hings that he really doesn't mean. I think one of the biggest problems is his mom doesn't force him to take his medication or go to therapy- and he REALLY needs it, bi-polar disorder shouldn't go untreated. Lately things have been worst, because he makes me cry- and now his family are getting annoyed by me and don't even want me staying the night anymore. But I swear I wouldn't get him upset if I knew how not to- and I only cry because the things he says hurts me. Now he's even getting annoyed by me. He says he still loves me- but it feels like he doesn't. And I wanted this baby to have it's parents together- and I really don't have the strength to walk away- Ilove him too much. Would this be considered emotional abuse? I mean I thought it might- but he has bi-polar, he can't control it.

Please help me, I'm so lost at this point. =/

8 Stale Tears| A shoulder

New music! [01 Jun 2006|08:42pm]


we just got back from the studio, check out the new stuff and let us know what you think!
Until Eternity
A shoulder

ARRGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! [23 Mar 2006|07:14pm]

[ mood | bitchy ]

I have an assignment to hand in tomorrow at uni which i have not started let alone researched for it, am just sooo unmotivated and i can't seem to get any of my readings and assignments done in time and its driving me insane *sulk*. Now i just keep having this feeling of being so overwhelmed and with only two semesters to go before i finish my course this is the last thing i need to be going through at the moment *sigh*. I need chocolate....lots and lots of chocolate........

2 Stale Tears| A shoulder

We need Your help ! [15 Mar 2006|03:41am]

Hello ! We are the students of the faculty of psychology from the State University - Higher School of Economics (Moscow, Russia). We are conducting researches connected with depression and suicide at the moment and we need Your help ! I ask only Those of you who has been suffering from depression for a long time and who often thinks about suicide - if You don't worry about losing 10 minutes of Your time then, please, fill in our form: http://angelion-87.narod.ru/Tests/Test_Zerkalo.doc and post it to angelion-87@mail.ru Don't forget to write at the end of the form if You ever have tried to commit suicide (and how much time ago it was).

I hope for Your understanding and help,
truly Yours, Angelion.
A shoulder

Rumours [11 Mar 2006|08:16pm]

[ mood | anxious ]

Hi, I'm new to this community and I really need some advice.

A while ago the guy that I really like asked me out and I said no. I told him that I don't want to be the girl whos with a guy because she needs him. I only wanted to go out with him so that I had someone to lean on. All his friends are the 'popular' group at my school and they all started spreading rumours about me. Everywhere I go people are staring at me and talking about me and I really want to stop it. What can I do?

2 Stale Tears| A shoulder

and don't be alarmed if i fall [31 Jan 2006|01:43pm]

[ mood | determined ]

i don't remember if i've ever posted here before... but whatever.

here's my once in a blue moon post then.

i'm officially about 6-8 weeks pregnant. alot has been going on, but right now the only thing i've been able to semi-rationalize and express to anyone so far is this. i am going to have to get an abortion. this is difficult for me because i want a baby so bad, and it's with someone i love more than anything who doesn't want to lose is either. somehow i have to get at least $400 for the operation, which could cause future complications in getting pregnant... or at the worst, death *but that's every surgery, right?*. i just found out that the baby's heart should already be beating, and it has recordable brain waves and even tooth buds! even this early on! this is very heart breaking for me and i guess this is really the least of my material worries and the biggest of the emotional ones at this point. i dunno, anyone been here? can offer advice?

*yeah, tell me i'm evil for killing a baby, and i'll be the plague of your journal from then on... this is hard enough. opinions are not things to impose on others... have you been in my shoes? fuck no...*

14 Stale Tears| A shoulder

please join! [24 Jan 2006|12:40pm]

[ mood | blah ]

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

A shoulder

[19 Jan 2006|11:43am]

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
A shoulder

join! [18 Jan 2006|09:23pm]


A new rating community. But this one is different, This community is for stoners, drug users, and drinkers. A lot of these rating communities are a bunch of straight edge people who say no just because you do drugs. For the ones who do the damn do.
Join.. i_heart_cunts
A shoulder

[06 Jan 2006|06:51pm]
i don't know about you, but this has been one hellish week
full of drama and way too much demands
and well, premier fitness sucks monkey balls
i hate it and i want to leave and i can't b/c they won't give me a refund ~ c---suckers

anyone else have a crazyass week besides me???
just checking to make sure it's not hormones or something
1 Stale Tear| A shoulder

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