Dez (lovexhatexsex) wrote in bitchingnmoanin,
Dez
lovexhatexsex
bitchingnmoanin

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and don't be alarmed if i fall

i don't remember if i've ever posted here before... but whatever.

here's my once in a blue moon post then.

i'm officially about 6-8 weeks pregnant. alot has been going on, but right now the only thing i've been able to semi-rationalize and express to anyone so far is this. i am going to have to get an abortion. this is difficult for me because i want a baby so bad, and it's with someone i love more than anything who doesn't want to lose is either. somehow i have to get at least $400 for the operation, which could cause future complications in getting pregnant... or at the worst, death *but that's every surgery, right?*. i just found out that the baby's heart should already be beating, and it has recordable brain waves and even tooth buds! even this early on! this is very heart breaking for me and i guess this is really the least of my material worries and the biggest of the emotional ones at this point. i dunno, anyone been here? can offer advice?

*yeah, tell me i'm evil for killing a baby, and i'll be the plague of your journal from then on... this is hard enough. opinions are not things to impose on others... have you been in my shoes? fuck no...*
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