Beauty (whatev_kthanks) wrote in bitchingnmoanin,
Beauty
whatev_kthanks
bitchingnmoanin

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hi,im new=]

hi, well my name is Beauty and I'm new here. I joined this site,hoping for advice,and maybe to find some friends that understand somewhat what i go through.cause the friends i currently have,all have the so called perfect lives,and they dont like to here about promblems. Well, I'm 17 and a junior in highschool. I've been a cutter since about 6th grade.And I try to cut down on it,cause my mom has no knowledgement of it. Lately,things in my life have been eh okay..

recently,i just got a boyfriend.this boy is probably the first boy that hasnt abused me, or hurt me and any emtional or mental way.and hes so sweet,and everything about him appears to be perfect,and when i'm with him i'm happy. the only thing that stands in the way of my happiness is my mother. she has been abusive to me ever since my step-dad was about to leave. and sometimes i swear,she doesnt like to see me happy. and i think she's jealous that i finally found someone who isnt going to misuse me. and everytime i come home from hangin out with him she always bitches to me about how 'OH,YOU'RE GONNA GET PREGNAT' or 'OH HE DONT LOVE YOU, IF HE DOES HE'S A DAMN FOOL' andd I'm just like uhh.okay? my mother has 6kids & i'm the oldest.andd i can see why she's worried.but i'm kinda a sheltered child.i dont know much, buut i'm not stupid. I know not to have kids unless you WANT them.my mom didnt want me,she gave me to my grandmother for the first 10years of my life.andd then wanted me back.andd after seeing her situation and such,i really know that i have no intentions on have sexual intercourse with this boy. and idk,alot of times she makes me feel completely worthless.like when i come home from school, she always is yelling about how i dont do this right,and how come i cant be like my brother (who is a straight A student), or why arent i as thin as this friend,or look pretty like her,and blah blah blah. all the time.i mean,i dont understand why she cant just be happy with how i am? I mean, nobody else in the family gets treated like this, nobody else in the family gets beat,and called names, and gets threaten and shit.fuck.fuck.fuck.

ehh.idk.sometimes i wish, i could just live one of those perfect lives,no worries.nothing.lalala.idk.and then,when she yells @ me..it makes me feel worthless,and then i cut.my boyfriend somewhat knows.he calls constantly and always ask me if i'm okay and if i need anything.and he seems to care.and i love him for that.well,i'm going to wrap this up,because this is to long.sorry,and I hope everyone stays safe.

muchlove♥
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